Thursday, July 14, 2011
One of my faults? I think way too much for my own good.
Today has been incredibly difficult. I realized again, I don't see life through the eyes of a typical 20 year old. When left alone for long periods of time, I find myself worrying and wishing some things were different. I have been struggling very much with the desire to start a family. I know this may sound crazy to most but I believe that God has placed in my heart this intense desire to have a baby. At this point in time, I, nor my husband have steady jobs. But I can't fight the urge to want children even though, financially, it seems irresponsible. I truly don't know how to cope with the constant thoughts and longings for a little one. There is a whole lot of Scripture I could post about being patient, but because of the ridiculous hour at which I'm posting this, I will for-go that for tonight. There are certain seasons in life where other things become more important than past things, since last September I have been at this pivital point. Dreaming, hoping, and praying that God will work children into my life soon. I just don't see it happening yet, this dark looming idea has drug me into a state of loneliness...the want to be filled with a tiny blessing inside of me that I will love more than myself is more than I can bare. All I can say is that its in God's timing, He knows. Its tough coming to these terms and today its hard for me to accept. I pray that God will get me through one more day. Matthew 6:24 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."