Thursday, July 14, 2011

One of my faults? I think way too much for my own good.

Today has been incredibly difficult.  I realized again, I don't see life through the eyes of a typical 20 year old.  When left alone for long periods of time, I find myself worrying and wishing some things were different.  I have been struggling very much with the desire to start a family.  I know this may sound crazy to most but I believe that God has placed in my heart this intense desire to have a baby.  At this point in time, I, nor my husband have steady jobs.  But I can't fight the urge to want children even though, financially, it seems irresponsible.  I truly don't know how to cope with the constant thoughts and longings for a little one.  There is a whole lot of Scripture I could post about being patient, but because of the ridiculous hour at which I'm posting this, I will for-go that for tonight.  There are certain seasons in life where other things become more important than past things,  since last September I have been at this pivital point.  Dreaming, hoping, and praying that God will work children into my life soon.  I just don't see it happening yet, this dark looming idea has drug me into a state of loneliness...the want to be filled with a tiny blessing inside of me that I will love more than myself is more than I can bare.  All I can say is that its in God's timing, He knows.  Its tough coming to these terms and today its hard for me to accept.  I pray that God will get me through one more day. Matthew 6:24 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

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